Song: Dresden Dolls - Half Jack
Mood: Thinking too much...

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half underwater
i'm half my mother's daughter
a fraction's left up to dispute
the whole collection
half off the price they're asking
in the halfway house of ill repute

half accidental
half pain full instrumental
i have a lot to think about
you think they're joking?
you have to go provoke him...
i guess it's high time you found out

it's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong
you'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too
long ago in some black hole before they had these pills to take it back
i'm half jill
and half jack

two halves are equal
a cross between two evils
it's not an enviable lot
but if you listen
you'll learn to hear the difference
between the halfs and the half nots

and when i let him in i feel my stitches getting sicker
i try to wash him out but like she said:the blood is thicker
i see my mother in my face
but only when i travel
i run as fast as i can run
but
jack comes tumbling after....

and when i'm brave enough and find a clever way to kick him out
and i'm so high not even you and all your love could bring me down
on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact:
i'm half jill
and half jack

i'm halfway home now
half hoping
for a showdown
cause i'm not big enough to house this crowd
it might destroy me
but i'd sacrifice my body
if it meant i'd get the jack part OUT

see

jack

run.....


And the little boy shouted "NO, I don't want to go!". But the adult in him, the responsibility of being someone with experience told the little boy it's for the best, and this is why I'm going there.

Interpret that any way you want. To me, it's dealing with going to see someone... professional. Of course, it's my option. But seeing as I had somewhat of an "experience" the other day, which I'm still trying to understand. I think I'll go, maybe I can kill the inner child and find my way into adulthood through therapy. Hey, some people need it, and some people are blessed with being able to slide into adulthood easily. I've always been a bit difficult in all things I do, why not growing up?

So I chose my psychiatrist. She's nice, had her in high school (yea, I'm really moving forward in life...). Her name is Dennise Pollack.

I'm sure a lot of the people who read my journals have talked to her at one point in time. Nice lady, talked with her for 2 years. She somehow helped me deal with my anger, which I did get under control a really long time ago, so if that worked, hey, why not give her another try?

I know I have no real friends, except for maybe Shariffe and Kia. Friends to me are people you can actually talk to instead of do things with. In that case, maybe I don't have that great of a relationship with my parents... Oh well, I know all is well with them. They are leaving for around 5 days, which should give me some time to myself. Although, I'm always alone, this is why I'm not well. I always have this feeling of being alone, depressed. Sometimes I'm scared, and sometimes I just can't bare to be around people.

Now I'm gonna probably get messages from people I've had a few sentences with saying "Aww, you're such a great guy, cheer up!" or something like that. Let's face it, words coming from people who have no interest nor time to have any in my life are not the kind of people I like to talk to. I'm not you're "acquaintance" and I never will be.

By the way, my parent's are getting a divorce. Life is just fan-fuckin-tastic isnt it?

Oh do I sound pleasant? Right, it's just the lack of medication talking.